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If I choose the wrong road, it’s my own asphalt.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

If you’re crazy and you know it, take your meds.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

I finally got my shit together, now I can’t find it.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

Sorry I’m late I got stuck in happy hour.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

I can still haul ass, it just takes more trips.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

Say no to drugs…sometimes.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

Silence is gold, duct tape is silver.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

If your joints are stiff, you’re rolling them too tight.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

Some days I wish I had more middle fingers.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

Some days I wish I had more middle fingers. other color

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

I solemnly swear…often.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

I’m not going on the next family guilt trip.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

I hope this is the final season of this shit show.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

When I die I want an open blouse funeral.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

It’s all fun and games until someone loses their dignty.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

If it ain’t broke, don’t let my kids touch it.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

I feel sorry for people who don’t know me.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

I’m sorry I missed your pity party … again.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

Namaste. Namago.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

I’m a ray of sunshine with scattered hot flashes.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

I need more than coffee but less than cocaine.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

Struggling gold digger.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

Killing people with kindness takes too long.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

Stop driving me crazy, I’m close enough to walk.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

Ten percent stud. Ninety percent muffin.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

I wish there was a recipe for shut your pie hole.

These fun kitchen towels can add giggles to even the most mundane task. Made of 100% thirsty cotton and generously sized – 19″ x 27″

When I’m feeling fat, I try to keep my chins up.

These fun kitchen towels can add giggles to even the most mundane task. Made of 100% thirsty cotton and generously sized – 19″ x 27″

My stomach is flat, the L is silent

These fun kitchen towels can add giggles to even the most mundane task. Made of 100% thirsty cotton and generously sized – 19″ x 27″

Kale taste like I would rather be fat

These fun kitchen towels can add giggles to even the most mundane task. Made of 100% thirsty cotton and generously sized – 19″ x 27″

I’m so poor I can’t pay attention.

These fun kitchen towels can add giggles to even the most mundane task. Made of 100% thirsty cotton and generously sized – 19″ x 27″

Well well well, if it isn’t those feelings I keep eating.

These fun kitchen towels can add giggles to even the most mundane task. Made of 100% thirsty cotton and generously sized – 19″ x 27″

I feel sorry for people who don’t know me.

These fun kitchen towels can add giggles to even the most mundane task. Made of 100% thirsty cotton and generously sized – 19″ x 27″

I’m sorry I missed your pity party … again.

These fun kitchen towels can add giggles to even the most mundane task. Made of 100% thirsty cotton and generously sized – 19″ x 27″

Namaste. Namago.

These fun kitchen towels can add giggles to even the most mundane task. Made of 100% thirsty cotton and generously sized – 19″ x 27″

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

These fun kitchen towels can add giggles to even the most mundane task. Made of 100% thirsty cotton and generously sized – 19″ x 27″

I’m a ray of sunshine with scattered hot flashes.

These fun kitchen towels can add giggles to even the most mundane task. Made of 100% thirsty cotton and generously sized – 19″ x 27″

I need more than coffee but less than cocaine.

These fun kitchen towels can add giggles to even the most mundane task. Made of 100% thirsty cotton and generously sized – 19″ x 27″

Some days I wish I had more middle fingers.

These fun kitchen towels can add giggles to even the most mundane task. Made of 100% thirsty cotton and generously sized – 19″ x 27″

I hope it’s the final season of this shit show.

These fun kitchen towels can add giggles to even the most mundane task. Made of 100% thirsty cotton and generously sized – 19″ x 27″

I don’t know how many cookies make me happy but a dozen stops the crying.

These fun kitchen towels can add giggles to even the most mundane task. Made of 100% thirsty cotton and generously sized – 19″ x 27″

If I choose the wromg road, it’s my own asphalt.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

I finally got my shit together, now I can’t find it.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

Sorry I’m late I got stuck in happy hour.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

Never let the truth ruin a good story.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

If you show me yours, I’ll look for mine.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

Eating lipstick doesn’t make you pretty on the inside.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

Say no to drugs…sometimes.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

Kale taste like I would rather be fat.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

I feel sorry for the people who don’t know me.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

If you love something, set it free. If you hate something, set it on fire.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

If your joints are stiff, you’re rolling them too tight.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

Please cancel my subscription to your issues.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

Your drama needs an intermission.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

If you’re crazy and you know it… take your meds!

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

Some days I wish I had more middle fingers.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

I can still haul ass…it just takes more trips.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

I’ll scratch your back…if you’ll shave mine.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

I solemnly swear…often.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

Namaste. Namago.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

I’m organizing a search party…to help me find myself.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

When I’m feeling fat…I try to keep my chins up.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

If I were a drag queen, my name would be Shellita Buffet.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

I almost didn’t recognize you with your new face.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

I’m sorry I missed your pity party…again.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

Killing people with kindness…takes too long.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

Curiosity did not kill the cat…I did.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

If you can’t laugh at yourself…I will.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

Dance like nobody’s watching…unless you’re a stripper.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

no need to apologize…I would rather hold a grudge.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

My patience is too short…to ride your emotional roller coaster.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

I’m not going on the on the next family guilt trip.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

I hope it’s the final season of this shit show.

The laughs and gasps are plentiful with the Matchdaddy Voice in My Head collection. Designed and printed on a variety of quality papers in Chicago IL USA

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